2 years ago...

I suppose that the start of this blog is somewhat timely given that 2 years ago tomorrow is the day that we found out that I was pregnant.  It was Super Bowl Sunday and we were invited to assorted parties and gatherings but opted to stay home.  We knew that was the "big day" and I didn't want to be around people in case we were disappointed but I also didn't want the glow to give it away either!  So, we spent the day home together...the Super Bowl will never be the same for us!

So, how did we get from April 2008 to pregnant in February 2009???  Well, it was quite a journey and involved a lot of bloodwork, ultrasounds, needles, pills, and procedures.  I will not sugarcoat it...infertility treatment is not for the weak, faint, or weary.  It's complicated, painful, and requires immense amounts of patience.  But, when it works, all of that fades to black!

The approach that we took was to try each form of treatment from least invasive to most invasive for 2 cycles and then move on.  As I have said previously, we did not want this process to take over our lives.  We wanted to have a baby but were not going to let the process of having a baby negatively impact ourselves or our relationship along the way.  We wanted to move through it swiftly but responsibly and only hoped for one healthy baby in the end.  We weren't looking for a reality show, although we often joked about it, we just wanted one healthy baby.

After 6 months of trying less invasive methods we were not finding success and each month I was getting more and more frustrated.  I was finding myself resentful of those around me who were able to get pregnant on the first try.  I found myself judging perfect strangers for how I perceived them to be raising their children because they were curt with their son in the grocery store.  I found myself pulling away from those in my life who did have children and I knew that this is not the person who I wanted to become.  So, in October 2008 we made the choice to go all the way and start the process of IVF or in-vitro fertilization.  This was not an easy decision to come to.  I wrestled with whether we were tempting fate or asking for too much.  I struggled with the stance that the Catholic Chuch takes with regard to this approach.  I wondered if we would end up with more than we could handle (twins or triplets!).  But in the end we gave it a try and two years ago tomorrow we got the news that we had been hoping and praying for.  We were having a baby!

Why not me?

Our journey began in April 2008 with our first appointment at the Yale Fertility Center.  I remember walking across the parking lot and feeling sad that our process of starting a family was so different.  I remember walking into the non-descript building, that we had driven by a hundred times, and feeling like there was all this promise and hope, heartbreak and disappointment packed into this office.  I remember walking in to the reception area and looking around at the other women...and men...and wondered if their plight was better or worse than mine.  I wondered if they were trying without success, surrogates, donors, or none of the above.  I wondered if they were wondering the same thing about me.  And at that moment I decided two things that have guided me through this journey:  1)  I would never ask "why me?" only "why not me?".  And, 2) I would be open, honest, and unashamed about what was our reality.  

Why not me?  I have insurance coverage, a supportive family, an understanding employer, a flexible schedule and the faith that the journey will lead us in the right direction.  I thought many, many times along the way that I was diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility...whatever that means...because I could handle whatever that meant.  I could handle the disappointment each month when I found out I wasn't pregnant.  I could handle the shots, the needles, the procedures, the blood work, the early morning appointments, and endless waiting.  Perhaps there are women out there who can't handle those things and this is why I have "Unexplained Infertility."

So that has been my mantra through the ups and downs.  Why not me?

1998...

Eleven years before Maggie was born, while I was attending college in Upstate New York, long before I met my husband John, I knew that my road to mommyhood would not be an easy one.  After a ruptured ovarian cyst and ultrasounds showed many more, I was warned that a pregnancy would not come easily.

I remember at the time feeling incredibly sad but put it out of my mind after a few brief days.  After all, I was in college, no husband in sight, and no immediate plans for children.  I would worry about that when I needed to...and 1998 was not that time.

Fast forward to 2005...

On September 3, 2005 after dating for three years, John Kennedy finally proposed!  I wanted to be married before I was 30 and it looked like that was now a possibility.  We quickly set a date of September 22, 2007 and the planning began.  As we planned our wedding we also planned our future which, of course, would include a family.  We had both come from close-knit families, each of us with 2 siblings and had spent much of our dating life with my niece and nephew who only reinforced our desire to have children.

So as we looked forward to our wedding we also looked forward to the prospect of starting a family.  In the back of my mind I knew that there might be some bumps in the road but I secretly hoped that my body would cooperate and a baby would find its way to us the easy way. 

After 6 months of trying to conceive the good old fashioned way, we had both come to terms with the notion that we might need a little medical intervention.  I don't remember that being a tough decision to make...it just kinda' seemed like the next logical step.  I think whether spoken or unspoke there was an agreement between John and I that the baby making process was not going to take over our lives.  And so, after consulting with my OBGYN I got a referral to the Yale Fertility Center and so began our journey...

An introduction...

I am Maggie's Mama.  And I call myself that because Maggie, in the sweetest, softest, littlest voice has started repeating "Mama" over and over and I love every ounce of that little word when it comes from that little girl.

Maggie is Margaret Muriel Kennedy...Mags...MMK...Baby Maggie...Maggielicious etc... and she was welcomed into this world on October 6, 2009 at Yale New Haven Children's Hospital in New Haven, Connecticut.  I believe that YNHH is quite possibly a magical place but I will get to that a little later. 

Maggie's life began long before that Tuesday in October and this blog will tell you the story of how she came to be and why we love her so.  Our story or journey as I like to call it is intended to be an inspiration to those whose "Maggie's" have not made their way into this world.  It's not meant to offer advice or judgment, but only experience to families who are struggling to conceive.